written like the sound of chaos

so we've moved on

2009-10-09T10:06:16Z

hello, everyone.

i know i have disappeared for ages and i think some people thought i've died or something. unfortunately, i'm still around. double unfortunately, i've come to dislike this journal.

there were some problems (both online and irl) that prompted me to create a new personal journal. i've friended some of you, whom i know personally, intimately or just because you're so awesome i can't un-know you. but to those that i didn't friend back, please believe that i'm not doing it out of malice. it's either because you haven't updated for ages (like me lol), we share no similar interests or i just don't know you as well as i could have.

i hope you have it in your hearts to forgive me.

AND THOSE THAT I ADDED YOU BETTER ADD ME BACK OR ELSE SOBBBB I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.

~goodbye and hopefully, we'll cross paths again.

KAARA

yes, it's that day again...

2009-02-13T20:40:42Z

happy valentine's, dearests♥

...that's sort of unsanitary, isn't it.

valentine~

2009-02-10T16:48:28Z

oh.

hahaha~ forgot to inform you guys that i've sent out the cards, like, four days ago! (or was it five? hmmm...). here's hoping that you'll receive them just fine!

nothing much happened. went off to kuala lumpur for a while, gets marginally active at tegakie and doodles stuff a lot.

ANYWAY.

just so this post is not another mindless 'oh-i-must-inform-them-of-stuff' thing that i'm prone to do, have some fanarts!

characters: mainly kira izuru, with appearances from hisagi shuuhei and corporeal!wabisuke.
disclaimer: don't own them; just borrowing and will return them (hopefully) unbroken.
warning: none. i think. except for slashy undertones.

penitence
[ devart link ]

i had fun doing this! played around with textures and a new colouring technique (it's getting sketchier and sketchier!) and the end result is something that i kind of like.

wabisuke's form is inspired by his appearance in 'life your face', the wabikira fanfic i did ages ago. someone actually did a fanart for that fanfic and this evening, i was thinking; "why not i do it too?". and here it is!

ban.kai.
[ devart link ]

kira as the captain of third division. i envisioned him to be (somehow) a mix of unohana (his past in the 4th division to be blamed for this), gin and the kira that i've come to love. there's actually more but i'm too sleepy to write down all the long explanation. perhaps, one of these days...

off to the onsen
[ devart link ]

to say goodnight
[ devart link ]

SHUUKIRA ♥. i don't know when i got fond of drawing these two. admittedly, i'm still terrible at hisagi (not that much better at kira, but i've had more practice) and his future self looks kind of like urahara. which is odd. D:

and kira gets progressively girlier the more i draw him. i should probably apologise. um.

so. that's all. i'm off to bed, i think. see you around whenever~♥

more spammage

2009-01-18T10:12:55Z

i'm not dead. but i guess you all would've known that. this is just a quick update to lump some naruto fanarts that i've done these last couple of days. (in between getting massive stomachaches, friends' visits and other stuff).

under the cut, there's a naruto art meme. which has more ino than what's healthy, random!kibaino and ninja!naruino. (okay. no. i'll just give you a link [ HERE ], because it won't load properly elsewhere). other than that, the array of oekaki-ed fanarts which mostly feature ino with various characters. (warning for naked boobs and sort-of bondage in one of them; NOW ARE YOU EXCITED?? =D).

and their deviantart links. people, if you have devart, GIMME. so that i can add you to my watch list and increase my stalkertastic ability.

into the blue
[ devart link ]

oekaki : ino's couples strip [sasuino; kibaino]
(the kibaino is originally for the awesome kazzoo, who fangirls this pairing with me enthusiastically. ILU♥)
bigger version @ [ devart link ]

WARNING FOR NAKED BOOBIES AND BONDAGE STARTS NOW. =D

untrust
[ devart link ], which i recommend, because it's bigger and looks better, imo.

edit: pic got deleted from photobucket. apparently, it doesn't like the boobies. D:

info: the oc behind ino? yeah, that's ino's mentor when she enters the torture&interrogation dept. (a fic i'm working on. yeah). violence is not an option when it comes to suzuna, and let's just say that they're practising the art of binding, shall we?

AND THAT'S ALL FOR NOW KIDS. there'll be more. i'm on an all-encompassing ino high. =|

your comments will make me a happy, happy person-thing. please consider that, thank you♥.

by the way. the requests is coming along sloooooooowly. i'm easily distracted I'M SORRY.

OEKAKI!!

2009-01-12T07:20:36Z

I'VE FINALLY SUCCUMBED AND JOINED THE OEKAKI MADNESS. =D

hey, imie_schweetzel~♥ here's your yunjae!

i LOVE paintbbs. i think the main reason why i adore it so much is because of the halftone. i LOVE halftone; i don't have to draw wonky-looking shades. i'm culminating a bunch of oekaki stuff that i'll post once it become a huge stash. (sorry. i'm spamming you guys with crap).

i need to draw more fanarts though. ♥

(btw. i'm still taking requests here. and even if you've requested, you can still drop me another one. or two. or three.)

damned seafood!

2009-01-08T08:11:06Z

i think it was the crab last night. but man. am i dizzy. =|

can't be long (computer screen makes me dizzier), so here's the fanarts for dearest silverharmony. ♥ i hope you like them, darling.

here are two experimental (messily) coloured sketches of both characters. it's been a while since i last drew kanda and i've never drawn allen before, so i was a bit apprehensive.

[ bigger version @ devart ]

[ bigger version @ devart ]

and here's the allenkanda. =D there was this one time that allen had long hair (if i'm not mistaken) and i remember i was thinking how he and kanda should get together and braid their hair in a slumber party. I R SORRY.

[ bigger version @ devart ]

there you go!

i'll finish the others when my head stops pounding. off to nap now.

sketches for meme~!

2009-01-06T06:13:25Z

because i can't go anywhere. done in the hospital cafe and back home. i apologise beforehand for the messy lines and probable bending of the prompts. *is incompetent*

darling, how have you been? ♥ i hope you like this, though i seriously think i should practise drawing more hisagi. he always looks odd whenever i attempt him. haha!

at first, i wanted to draw tentacle!porn for you, because if there's someone who deserves porn for being awesome, it's YOU.♥ but then i remembered that i only draw pg-stuff pictures, so there goes the porn. BUT YOU SHOULD STILL HAVE PORN. ~~just not from me~~.

i swear there's a story behind this. =D well. as you probably would've known, mermaids are notorious squid hunters. (that's totally true why are you staring at me like that??). they're the first to introduce sporks in squid-hunting, a tribute to their King's trident. and you see. she loves you long time, really!

~~i blame my medication.~~

LUC I'M SORRY BUT I CAN'T REALLY REMEMBER WHAT TAMAKI LOOKS LIKE. D:< drawn from memory, so excuse the weird-looking lion head. (...that looks like a puppy the more i stare at it). I MISS YOU.♥

AND HERE BUT I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY SORRY T___T um. it's because i find his hair funny?? (there should be a couple more panels but i ran out of space and got lazy. >__<;;).

AND AND AND IF YOU WANT ME TO DRAW ANYTHING PLEASE GO HERE BECAUSE I NEED DISTRACTION. HONESTLY.

now. i shall nap.

ask me ask me!

2009-01-06T00:16:03Z

a quick one before i disappear to the hospital (again).

ganked from fayette_nudusk,

I will sketch for the first five people who comment with their request. Simple sketches only. The catch is that you must put this up in your journal as well. If you absolutely do not draw, write something, etc.

i'm cheating but really, even if it exceeds five people (which i doubt haha!), i'll still draw 'em. and you don't have to put this on your journal if you don't want to.

PEOPLE. I JUST NEED A REASON TO DRAW DISTRACTINGLY AHEAD. GIMME SOME.♥

ruuuuuuuuuuun!

2009-01-04T15:46:43Z

HAPPY NEW YEAR, DARLINGS.

here's hoping for everything awesome ahead for all of you.
♥

...darn it. driving test tomorrow and i'm nervous as hell.

tweeeeeeeeeeeet!

2009-01-02T11:36:32Z

so. in an effort to be more active in the black portal that is the internet.

underived @ twitter.com

dearests, if you are twitter-ed, how about dropping me your handle so i can ~~stalk~~ follow you around like a lost puppy.

♥

Merry Holidays!

2008-12-29T13:08:01Z

Title: Merry Holidays!
Medium: Tablet, Corel Painter & Photoshop CS2.
Pairing: Hisagi and Kira.
Prompt(s): 1. the definition of envy & 2. to be a soldier. I'm sorry I can't think of anything for the third prompt. D:< For the wonderful erinilliana, HAPPY HOLIDAYS!! For the shuukira community's Christmas Exchange, because you guys are awesome!
Warning: Nothing naughty. Really. I'm incapable of doing anything remotely like that.
Notes: I'M STILL ALIVE. =D Just trying to recover from a few terrible and crazy busy weeks but HERE, HAVE SOME LEFTOVER HOLIDAY SPIRIT! ♥

the definition of envy

I've always thought that if there's a definition of envy, it would be 'happiness'. IDK. Somehow, to see people being happy is such an envious thing to me. I still fail in drawing Hisagi, which is why he looks kind of weird. And this is my first time attempting solid colouring and I apologise for the newbie-ish quality of the fanart. Is actually one of the reasons why this gift is so late. DX I'm just a massive fail when it comes to colouring.

to be a soldier

This is such a LOL-worthy piece to me. Because the first time I read that second prompt, I've got this sudden flash of a movie based on what happened during the Soul Society arc. And I really struggled to complete this 'poster'; it just refused to be drawn properly. BUT I STILL HOPE YOU LIKE IT, ERINILLIANA!!

Comments are LOVE and EVERYTHING GOOD.

...I seriously need to check up on all the things I've missed. I'm really sorry, guys!

we are all sinners

2008-12-13T05:38:09Z

continuum

it shouldn't have mattered.

"the world is ending."

"so what. let it end."

it rains coals and ashes (even the sky is too tired to cry) and they scream as if they never saw it coming. it's hypocritical. it's pathetic. and you continue resenting the world, even on its deathbed.

there's no better place to start than at the end.

the fight has gone on for too long, struggles written as valiant and brave when they merely embody cowardice and fear. everyone is right; everyone is wrong. there's always two sides of the same story and truth bends, coils, distorts to fit one's need. an ultimate reality doesn't exist; too many parallels and it's easier to get lost than to be found.

"i wish there's more time."

"there's never enough."

an ultimatum.

there's no escape.

in the end. we are all sinners. chasing everything that disappears, except the incessant materialistic hunger. fighting teeth and nails to reach beyond the sky, just to suffocate and blasphemy inked deep in our hearts.

you watch and you observe. but you never learn.

"we're going to die."

"it should've happened earlier."

end

twilight... as in twilight zone.

2008-11-27T10:39:23Z

"It's the most insanely romantic film since ' The Notebook ,'" said Harry Medved, a spokesman for Fandango.com, who described Pattinson's Edward Cullen as "the ideal boyfriend. ... He's incredibly strong, superfast, impossibly handsome, he plays the piano and all he cares about is what's on her mind."

i apologise beforehand to any 'twilight' fans in my f-list but.

WORLD. WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU. D:

edward cullen, i'm sorry to say, is not the ideal boyfriend. the list of things that he had done to bella, whether she knows it or not, IS NOT HEALTHY. he shows the signs of an obsessive psychopath in the making.

(seriously. stalking and watching her while she sleeps? PLEASE DO NOT WANT.)

i know that 'twilight' is considered as 'young adult fiction'. (in some bookstores, the series is even in the 'children' section). and this sort of worries me. some people say that "chill, it's just a book" and "it'll do no harm". but do they realise how influential fiction and mass media in general can be?

i don't want my little nieces and nephews to think that obsession equals to true love.

DO NOT WANT.

i do not like 'twilight'. what little i've read of the first book does not attract me to pursue it further. bella swann, in my opinion, should be grabbed bodily and shaken to some semblance of a personality. edward cullen sparkles; that's enough reason to do a buffy on him.

aughhh. D:

heaven is one big happy bureaucracy

2008-11-12T21:18:12Z

note: written as a part of on-going story arc with a lot of crack and blasphemous ideas. idk. it's just a lot of nonsense and i like it. just something light-hearted to deviate from the doom and gloom. =)

btw. gabriel, raphael, uriel and michael are archangels according to some religious lore. wiki them if you'd like, since there'll be vague references to their duties and stuff. i bent some things to fit into the universe and here's the department of divine intervention.

The problem with humans is that they won't just die.

"Can we smite them all and get it over with? We didn't have this much problem with dinosaurs."

The office is cramped, filled to the brim with folders and files ready to avalanche in unison at the slightest hint of disturbance. Papers covered every imaginable surface, slip-sliding over chairs and recliners and shelves. Gabriel sighs in exasperation from his table, elbows deep in his own share of printed fine prints and pushes wire-rimmed glasses further up the bridge of his nose. "Stop complaining, Uriel. Have you completed the paperwork for the new arrivals?"

"Pfft. I won't have to do any paperwork if they can just stop killing each other for one second," Uriel grumbles loudly and leans forward over his typewriter. He fiddles and types for a few seconds, before his attention shifts to harassed-looking figure hunching over thick files at one corner of the office. "Oi, Raph! Where's the coffee?"

"It's Raphael, you twit," he snaps, straightens up and glares at Uriel. There are smears of dark ink over pale skin and underneath the curve of his lips. "And get your own goddamn coffee this time. I'm busy."

Gabriel sighs again. "Please refrain from using the Lord's name in vain. He hasn't stopped sneezing since Adam dropped that apple."

"Oh, sod off. You're not the one stuck with organising Apocalypse." A crumpled ball of papers narrowly misses Gabriel's head. Raphael ignores the scowl sent his way and starts riffling through stacks of papers. "It's impossible to get reservation for Judgement Day. Everyone's always fully booked and they won't return any of my calls!"

"Maybe they're just sick of you," Uriel offers, all wide smile and gleaming teeth. "I know I am."

"One more word and I'll shove that flaming sword of yours up your holy arsehole."

Gabriel exhales loudly and rubs his forehead, wishing that Michael is there to deal with the two younger members of the department. Where is him when there's work to be done? "Can we please concentrate? We have a deadline to meet, after all."

"Screw the deadline." Raphael rattles a binder vindictively, shaking loose more papers onto his already overflowing table. "I'm tossing everyone to Hell. And I'm faxing their profiles to Lucifer; let him deal with it. That overbearing snob's been bragging about all the lawyers he has to deal with the paperwork."

"You know we can't do that-"

Uriel's hand shoots up before Gabriel can finish the sentence. "I second that motion!"

Gabriel resists the urge to bury his face into the papers and scream.

end

on another note. going back to malaysia this saturday. =D

happy birthday, antha darling!

2008-11-10T12:23:21Z

because i'd feel bad for eternity if i don't do anything for this awesome person's birthday (even though i feel like dropping dead now please);

happy bday, love.

hope you have an awesome one, because you deserve it. ♥

arrankaara @ 2008-10-04T13:27:00

2008-10-04T03:56:00Z

Anyway. Being sick sort of gives me the privilege of watching random things. And lots of movies. So I've been watching Supernatural again. And with the arrival of Season Four... let's just say that I am one happy fangirl.

Because you know, a show that deals with the supernatural isn't complete until there's a freaking... angel of the Lord jumping into the whole thing. And hotdamn; that angel has one fine taste in picking the human vessel. ~~What do you mean I'm shallow~~. I haven't been this excited about a new addition to the cast since... well, forever. I think the arrival of Castiel (and angels by default) into the array of characters signify an important and significant turn of events in the future. Plus the whole 'Lucifer-will-walk-the-Earth' thing.

Sam was resurrected by a demon and has a demon sidekick, Ruby. Though I much prefer the old, bitchier version of her. She's suddenly all emphatic and "he's your brother" and I was like what the hell? Gimme back Katie Cassidy, darn it!

Dean was resurrected by an angel and Castiel is sort-of his sidekick? Who has the disturbing tendency to pop out of nowhere to chastise Dean and has no whatsoever sense of personal space (not that I'm complaining or anything). He's also into kinky stuff, since he left his own personal brand on Dean's biceps.

You see?

Two brothers, two opposing sides. My opinion? The demons will get their Boy King. Sam will be the embodiment of evil. He has already taken one step toward that direction, by embracing his power and sneaking around with Ruby and everything. He is being primed into chaos in human form. Dean won't be pleased. He'll be pissed when he finds out, will probably go all "I can still save you, Sammy", being hard-headed as he is. He won't give up, won't do anything that would harm Sam until it's too late. By then, the destruction would have begun. And Castiel will remind him once again that if Dean won't do it... then they will. Heartbreaking decision.

I don't know; a bit too melodramatic but I prefer them confronting each other as opposing forces, all death and war and "I'm sorry I can't save you" than a happily ever after.

But eh. That's just me. I don't know how this season will progress but knowing Kripke's tendency to twist everything around, I bet it's going to be awesome. I can't wait!

I tried my hand on drawing He-Who-Shall-Not-Yet-Be-Named, unfortunately with no reference picture. I was trying to conjure up a mental image of his but I think it overlaps with someone else?

And fanfiction. Don't forget the fanfiction.

Title: Re: Trick or Treat.
Disclaimer: I do not own Supernatural. Or the hot boys. Mmm.
Rating: PG.
Summary: The Trickster decides to check out the new big man in town.
Notes: I wanted to write something short about the new shiny character and was mulling around some ideas when Trickster comes into mind. I miss him; he's awesome.

re: trick or treat
castiel & the trickster; castieldean vaguely implied

“So... You an angel, huh?”

Castiel doesn’t look away from the diner across the road, keeps his eyes glued on the table near the entrance. Dean is arguing with Sam again; Bobby’s watching, shaking his head as the argument escalates. “I have no business with you.”

“Aww, come on!” The bench creaks somewhere next to him, followed by the crinkles of wrapping paper and aluminium foil and quiet chuckles. Wind weaves whispers in between silences, reeks of non-believers and ancient sins. “I just wanna check out the new big man in town.”

“Be gone.” Castiel finally turns his attention to the brown-haired (not) man, cold and unwavering. Steel in his voice, warning behind every word. “The Lord is merciful, to spare your kind—”

The Trickster snorts, rolls his eyes because to live for centuries means that he has encountered others like Castiel. Has heard similar threats with none carried out, because the Lord has not commanded it yada yada yada. “Pfft. Still with that holier-than-thou attitude. You guys sure are boring.” He bites into the chocolate bar and stares straight ahead, ignores the flash of contempt in ice blue eyes. “Those Winchesters...” He shook his head, a fond grin on his lips. Remembers blood-coated stakes against his skin. “They’re something alright. Fun.”

Castiel’s retort was the slight twitch at the corner of his mouth. Hints of a frown between his eyebrows. “You shall not toy with him anymore.”

“Oho! So that’s how it is, eh?” Trickster hoots with laughter, head thrown back and shaggy hair brushes rotting wood. His grin turns cheeky, eyes glint knowingly. “Gotta give you some credit though; you pick the prettier one.”

Castiel opens his mouth, as if to deliver a sharp reprimand, to denounce his role in Dean’s part as the Chosen. It is the Lord’s Will. Not his. Never mind if he is a bit too eager, a bit too pleased to carry it out. A bit too grateful that it is the one who was dragged to Hell, instead of the one with hellfire in his veins. His eyes flicker to the diner for a second, catch a glimpse of Dean gesturing angrily at Sam. Stubborn, cynical Dean, with his doubts in the Lord, his struggles to believe. His struggles to not believe.

Trickster’s chuckles reverberate loud and clear. Mocking.

“Isn’t it a bit too early to fall, big guy?”

“I’m not.”

“Not yet anyway.”

“That is no concern of yours.” He doesn’t deny; angels don’t lie. “Why are you so interested in something beyond your power?”

Trickster shrugs, purses his lips thoughtfully. “I’m bored, you know. Not much fun around with everyone blasting each other to hell and back.” He pauses and sighs, drags a hand over his face and the grin turns a bit weary.”Look. I’m not picking sides or anything but try to win this one, yeah? Makes it a lot easier for us forgotten folks if the humans are still around next year. Demons don’t have any sense of humour at all. They’re all slashing and hacking and ripping; no finesse. And they taste really bad.”

“We are not here to cater to your whims. Fight your own fights.”

The trench coat rustles when Castiel stands up, leaves crackle underneath mud-caked boots. The diner’s doors bang open as Sam storms out, Dean and Bobby in a tow. They are no longer arguing, but the glares exchanged between the brothers burn fury that runs deeper than words. Castiel can see the widening chasms between once-unbreakable bond, can see darkness creeping into the whites of Sam’s eyes. Everything that Dean refuses to see, convinced that he can fix everything. That he can still save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. The Chevy Impala rumbles to life and screeches forward, toward their next destination and Castiel waits until it disappears around the corner before tilting his head to observe the direction opposite to where the hunters are heading.

Dark smoke creeps steadily over the skyline, cackles of electricity and wind accompanying its advance.

They don’t have much time left.

“Oi. Am I getting ignored here?”

He pauses in the middle of calling to his brothers, turns to stare at his unwanted companion. “Leave. If you do not intend to fight. We have no use for cowards.”

“Okay, first of all I’m a lover. Love and peace and all that.” Trickster crunches through the last of his chocolate bar and straightens up, dusts his coat nonchalantly. He flashes Castiel a lop-sided grin. “And who are you calling a coward?” A snap of his fingers and the air shimmers, shifts until several men and women in jumpsuits appear out of nowhere, odd tanks strapped to their backs and gun-like equipments in their hands. “I just prefer to do it with style.”

Castiel cocks his head. “Who... are they?”

The black smoke surges closer, bringing forth raging wind and flashes of thunder. A group of men and women made their way toward Castiel and the Trickster, power radiating from them as tangible as the coming evil. The sky darkens, prophesising more than just a typical storm.

Trickster’s grin widens. “Ghostbusters.”

end

Quota for random fangirling for the day has been reached. Comments are love and sunshines!♥

OTP MEME TIEM!

2008-09-28T08:38:29Z

Have a presentation tomorrow. Is nervous as Hell because I'm really terrible in formal stuff. >__<;; What better to do than scribbling away and HERE HAVE ANOTHER MEME OTP REBORN STYLE ♥.

Title: OTP Meme *Reborn Style!
Medium: Tablet and Corel Painter.
Pairing: 1859; The HibaGoku. And a flash of Gamma♥Goku, which is so awesome there should be some fan work for it. D:
Warning: Um. Nothing really? Just the cursory 'odd pairing' warning, I guess. And the BL, as per usual.
Notes: LOL I DUNNO ALL THE hibagoku's MEMBER AND frostheavens AGAIN?? ♥

Um. Because I think some of you might not be able to read the dialogue from those short strips, here they are...

#6
Hibari: I'll let you seme today... [because it's Goku's birthday and all HE'S VERY CONSIDERATE PPL D:]
Goku: REALLY???!

Hibari: But you know... I haven't gotten MY gift yet...
Goku: Wha-What??

Hibari: *pounces*
Goku: >__<;

#8
Five years later...
Somewhere near Namimori High...

Hibird: *flies in with an envelope*
Hibari: ?

Hibari: *opens letter*
Letter: Oi. Bastard. Where you at?? Boss getting worried and- [the rest of the letter is private =)]

Hibari: ... *small smile*

One week later...

Letter: Herbivore. Stop writing.
Goku: D:<

And t-that's all?

For the full size and if you have a DevArt account, click HERE and hit me up there. ♥

WTF I DON'T WANNA DO THE PRESENTATION D:

arrankaara @ 2008-09-25T22:28:00

2008-09-24T10:58:33Z

LOL WHY AM I DRAWING SO MUCH??? D:

Well. I blame lame-ass class. Srsly? This is how I managed to survive education so far. By doing absolutely nothing education-related during lessons.

Fandom: DBSK (for real!).
Pairing: sort-of-implied-but-is-really-gen Yunho and Jaejoong.
Rating: G.
Notes: This is for all those DBSK fans in my flist. =D You know who you guys are! Especially for jaejoongdotcom (who spazzes with me just now ILU PIKAHCHU!) and imie_schweetzel (who writes OMG AWESOMEADORABLE YUNJAE♥!). Because everyone was spazzing because of the Mirotic 'verse, I sort of wanted to draw the guys with their new hairstyles. But eh. FIRST TIME DRAWING REAL LIFE PEOPLE LOL.

Comments are LOVE AND CHOCOLATE AND GAY SPARKLY RAINBOWS WITH MULTI-COLOURED PONIES!

INO BIRTHDAY ARTZZ!

2008-09-23T23:28:08Z

'Nuff said.♥ A bit rushed, because I need to go to work. Or something.

Bigger picture @ DevArt. Send me some ♥.

arrankaara @ 2008-09-23T20:47:00

2008-09-22T09:09:17Z

Did the Miyu's Reborn Art Meme during Educ class today. Two hours about tests and evaluations and I spent it wisely.

Is going to work on the assignment due tomorrow now. Bah.

Title: Reborn Art Meme
Medium: Tablet and Corel Painter. My first time using the tablet LOL NOOBS.
Pairing: Mainly 1859, because it's awesomely violent and un-making sense-like.
Warning: Bit spoiler for Future Arc and OF COURSE THE BL ♥.
Notes: For frostheavens, because she's the only one in my flist that likes this pairing. ILU, BB!♥

For the full size and if you have a DevArt account, click HERE and hit me up there. ♥

LOL THIS IS SO SILLY IT'S EMBARRASSING!

arrankaara @ 2008-09-08T20:57:00

2008-09-08T09:00:05Z

goodbye.

you wonder if it's a mistake.

you wonder if it's a mistake. and if it's all your fault.

it's never easy, hasn't been easier even after doing it so many times before. you think this is insanity (re)defined - this persistence in repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result each time. rinse and repeat. the wound starts healing quicker than the last time, feelings mingling and twisting and dissipating like early morning fog. the pain doesn't cut as deep as the first one and through repetition, you've developed resilience. unfortunately.

the heartache doesn't kill you anymore.

you wonder if she knows this.

you wonder if she knows this. and why she still insists on damaged goods.

it's a do-it-yourself manual of self destruction. take a step away only to be pulled right back in. it's the cliched 'moth with fire', only you don't know where one ends and the other begins. you've reversed the roles so much that the lines are no longer definite, blurred beyond recognition. black and white and shades of grey.

you listen to orchestrated words, to 'why can't we make this work's and 'i hate you's amplified with the ocean between both of you.

you count the tears she shed and feel as if you should apologise.

you murmur 'i understand's instead, even when nothing makes sense anymore.

you sleep with static that night.

you wake up, kinks at the back of your head and this is the last time, you tell yourself. there is no going back, not after this one. but you've made resolutions like that in the past. the words echoes emptily, even when you speak them out aloud in the privacy of silence and four walls. you've made promises of 'forever' and they don't last a second past 'never'. you cut strings only to tangle in knots.

you know it's only a matter of time. a matter of habit over acceptance.

she will reach out and you will meet her halfway toward stumbling. it's inevitable. old habits die hard.

you wonder if you'll survive to see the end of this.

you wonder if it would've made any difference.

end

arrankaara @ 2008-09-08T00:16:00

2008-09-07T12:21:17Z

regret.

"i wish you're a guy."

someone's getting blown up on the tv screen and you don't look away, keep your eyes glued to moving pixels even when the couch creaks and dips from her weight. there are fingers on your arm and you reach for the remote, press the mute button without a word. you watch blood and gore splatter everywhere, people screaming noiselessly and shouting words from a script your brain supplies.

silence lingers for seconds, punctuated by nails digging into your skin.

"are you listening?"

"i am." you shift a little when she leans against you, instinctively move your shoulder to accommodate her head. the warmth is familiar. and comforting, despite summer's heat. the air conditioner hums quietly overhead.

she sighs, hot air brushes your cheek and you resist the urge to shudder. "it would've been easier..."

your throat feels sandpaper dry and it's an old argument that never dies, just goes around and around and around. ouroboros, plain and simple. "I can't help it," you end up saying anyway. "i'm sorry." because it's easier to apologise. because that's the only thing you can afford to offer her.

"i'm not blaming you." she mutters and all you hear is accusation. her parents called earlier that morning, every morning to deliver disapproval and condemnation into hell to your doorstep. it's becoming a routine and you wonder if you should disconnect the telephone line before one of you snaps. "it's just..."

the sentence trails off, something more than uncertainty and apprehension and you cannot understands words unspoken. "what?"

"nothing."

"if..." you pause, arrange jumbled mess of half-formed suspicions before you continue, bile at the back of your throat, "if there's another person, someone like me... a guy, will you-"

"no." it's quiet, so quiet that you have to strain to hear it. when you glance at her, she's staring right back at you. "no," she repeats, louder this time as if she knows you need to hear it again and you blink when she reaches out, wraps her arms around your neck. tucks her face into the crook of your neck, skin to skin.

you close your eyes and inhale, doesn't even complain when her hair tickles your nostrils.

when you return the embrace, when you kiss the top of her head. you wish you're a guy too.

just so you can do this for the rest of your life.

end

random update and art dump

2008-08-24T12:09:35Z

Because I bought a new brushpen and I'm now in love with it ♥.

Will be edited when I'm not tired as hell and am actually coherent enough to comprehend lj tags.

fanarts first, so that people don't have to go through other scraps.

goku emos his way home from the convenience store ^^;

tyl!yama. or what i imagined he would be as a rock star. rawr.

anbu!kakashi. emo-ing away without his mask. why so emo, bb??

this is fail!allen. that is actually my fault. D: i should practise drawing him more.

now for the random stuff...

haha somehow i really like him. still trying to figure out why. =)

i was torn between making him a pirate or a samurai. can he be pirai? or samurate?

random chick up on a tree. i got lazy drawing the tree. random chick is emo. again.

she's a pirate. and that's a squid on her shoulder. =D

random killer dude. my friend told me i'm disturbed for drawing this. sniff. where's the love???

hi. meet james. he's gonna get killed in one of the stories i'm working on. and he'll be a ghost. isn't that lovely? *insert witty line here*

RANDOM RANDOM RANDOM BUT I NEED TO GET SOME SLEEP BEFORE I KEEL OVER DEAD D: *dies*

I'll do a real update. Somehow.

UPDATE & FANARTZZZZZZZZZ!

2008-06-14T13:45:23Z

Hey, everyone! ♥

I know I haven't been around lately, disappeared into the dreaded depth that is Real Life but I'm back! ... Sort of. Sometimes I don't know what to write in a personal entry and in consequence, I ramble a lot. But you guys always bear with me, right? Right.

Um. I guess I should say that I passed all my papers, I think. Sent in the last two papers late (complications and creative profanities go here) and that'll probably put a considerable dent on my average score. My lack of trying when it comes to education is already (in)famous throughout the cohort, so might as well continue on with it. Ha ha. Don't want to ruin my reputation or something.

Spent a hell lot on clothes and miscellaneous stuff. Seriously, I think I'm a compulsive shopper. I blew $1000++ in fours days - I don't even know I'm capable of doing that. But I have more colours now in my wardrobe? Not that much variety but yes, I'm diverting slightly from the black+white combo.

AND REBORN FANART!!! YAYZ!

Characters: TYL!Hibari, 69 Famiglia (with TYL!Mukuro) and HibaGoku.
Fandom: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Prompt: The sudden surge of HibaGoku fanart? And um, because silverharmony asked for a Hibari sometime in the distant past. D:
Feedback: YES PLEASE I NEED ♥!

...Hibari looks uber creepy. I think Mukuro possessed him without me knowing. ^^;

69 FAMIGLIA! Can I say I love the TYL!Mukuro?? He's deliciously evil! ♥

And of course, HibaGoku Raep Tiem of FUN! Seriously, there's too few fanwork of them together. WHY THAT IS UNFAIR I WANT MOAR! D:

I need to go to sleep but is too blissed out reading CSI fanfics. NickGreg, anyone? *offers crackers*

Fanart : Subject : Gokudera Hayato (Katekyou Hitman Reborn!)

2008-03-27T12:50:11Z

I often wonder why I'm so anal as to put long notes at the beginning of fanarts... *suffers*

Title: Sketchy is Sketchy.
Type: Fanart.
Prompt: EDUCATION, WHY SO HARD??
Subject(s): Gokudera Hayato.
Fandom(s): Katekyo Hitman Reborn!
Rating: G.
Notes: Someone needs to teach me how to colour properly in Photoshop. AND GOKUDERA MY PRETTY! ♥
Warning: There's Uri!Gokudera. I don't know why it's there in the first place. This is also for teapoit, because you write some of the best Gokudera I've ever read. WRITE MOAR BB!

... looking back, why does the main picture makes Gokudera looks like a waif? He's supposed to look tragic, not emaciated! AND OH LOOK URI!GOKUDERA! ♥ I'm falling inappropriately in love with him. The one with ties and all... Mafia is SRS BZNZ PPL.

Thanks for looking NOW COMMENT! ♥